Blue Heaven | Shop | Technology | The St. Johnstone Fanzine online. Perth Saints, Scottish football, Saintees, Scotland, British soccer, McDiarmid Park, Saint Johnstone, Crieff Road, Perthshire, Ormond. Fixtures, news, super saints, scottish premiership, great britain, uk, blue heaven, tayside, tartan army, taysiders, st johnstone, perth saints, saintees, Scots soccer, British football, blueheaven, latest news and fixtures.

Blue Heaven - The St Johnstone fanzine onlineShop | TechnologyBlue HeavenBlue Heavenfunny website

~~TECHNOLOGY~~ \| FASHION \| AUDIO \| LIFESTYLE
Add the professional look to your anti-Dundee propaganda with NEW Coagie Art
Conventional clip-art packages are fine and dandy if all you're looking for is a crudely-drawn cartoon hippo or a black and white icon depicting a "soccer" ball, but when it comes to finding pictures of a half-empty bottle of Twenty-Twenty or a jaikie rummaging through a Broughty Ferry skip, they're generally of sod all use. *That's where new Coagie Art* comes in. With over 500 spectacular graphics on 5 easy-to-use CD-ROMs, it's now easier than ever before to distribute brochures featuring a half-dead rat lying in a puddle, or four vagrants in fingerless gloves warming themselves by a bin fire. Looking to add the finishing touches to that new "Sights Of Dundee" web site but just can't find the right picture of a Kwik Save trolley lying up-turned in a stream? Or perhaps you're planning a family reunion in the City Of Discovery, but want to finish off the invitations with a professionally-drawn illustration of a boarded-up window? Well tear your hair out no longer, for Coagie Art has all that and more! Buy now and receive a free CD extra, featuring an animated image of two beggars scrapping over an apple core . . . in hideously realistic detail!! Cat No. 003/009**

NEW! Moaner Simulation Kit

Are you a McDiarmid Park Moaner? Are you fed up with having to part with your hard-earned cash each and every week simply to vent your ill-informed spleen with a barrage of petty and personal insults aimed towards your own team? If the answer to both of these questions is a big loud grumpy 'Aye, F***in right', then blueheaven Shop could have just the solution for you!

Fresh off the production line, our patented Moaner Simulation Kit will enable you to save both your breath and your wages in one swoop. Simply plug in your MSK at home, press the 'record' button, and pelt it with your favourite complaints and meatiest grumblings to be used on any occasion. From "You're shite McBride", to "Get yer hair cut Dasovic", the MSK will record them all. All you have to do then is leave the MSK under your seat in the East Stand, set the timer to 3:00pm every second Saturday, turn the volume to high, and your work's done! You'll be free to spend your Saturday afternoons moaning at would-be friends and cutting yourself off from family, safe in the knowledge that your nauseating opinions are not going unheard on the Crieff Road. Be sure to hurry though - offer open only while stocks last!

Cat No. 000/002

The Parkhead Periscope

It's that age-old problem - you splash out 20 big ones for the right to take up your seat at Saints' latest trip to Sellik Park and what happens? You're sat right behind a great big bitch of a pillar, that's what! But fear not, for after years of top secret development in the epicentre of the blueheaven work-shop, our scientists have come up with the perfect solution that'll make those infamous "partially-obscured views" a thing of the past.

Wonder at the simplistic brilliance of our Parkhead Periscope, which will bend around even the most tricky of pillars to give you a perfect view of events as they unfold on the pitch. In fact, the Parkhead Periscope is so effective that it can also be used at the grounds of other rip-off merchants the length and breadth of the country, from Tannadice to Easter Road and back again.

Order your Parkhead Periscope now and receive a free commemorative brick with a stylish professionally-engraved message of "Celtic Park is shit", which can be used to hurl at anyone heard foolishly to claim that Parkhead is the best stadium in the country.

Cat No. 000/004